The bins were in sight and as luck would have it they were full. Some of the black refuse sacks were just sitting on the grass beside the green plastic bins. Great – this meant easy access. She gnawed at the first one and got into it. This family certainly didn´t recycle as the bag was full of plastic objects. Her nose twitched and lead her to a white plastic bag in among the plastic bits and pieces that was full of leftovers from dinners. Joy of joys, she tucked into potato peals, lettuce ends, broccoli stalks and bits of unwanted fatty raw meat. Yummy.
Then she stopped and went dead still. It wasn´t as if she heard something it was more a feeling she had – a feeling that she was being watched, or worse, hunted.
If she stayed put she could end up as dinner so she decided to act on a hunch and push the items around the bag. She had to act fast. She bit a hole in another part of the bag just as it tumbled down to the ground. She heard a fat miaow and a rattle of hard plastic as the bag fell on what was obviously the house cat.
Out she flew from the newly gnawed exit and she scampered in under the shed door. Right under the paw of Tiger, the real house cat.
One cold wet morning Molly Mouse poked her tiny head out of a hole in the living room wall. The coast was clear. The cat was away and the humans in the house were busy ruining the world. One thing she did like about humans was their capacity to produce mountains of rubbish. She liked nothing more than to ramble round the rubbish at night nibbling at whatever bits she found in the bins or around them. She had to be on her guard though because the rubbish also attracted foxes and cats and the odd stray dog. The dogs weren´t a big threat though as they were so thick you could usually cod them and convince them to leave you alone.
She scrambled around the skirting boards and squeezed under the crack in the faulty front door. The wind outside made her fur stand up on end. Seeing no one, she skid skillfully to the back yard. Brightly coloured abandoned toys lay strewn across the concrete and the patchy lawn. These were great hiding places and she could take cover under them as she made her way to the shed at the back of the tiny garden. Her little heart was pumping, so far so good, not a predator in sight.
She ran back to the manager and whispered into the mole´s ear what she wanted him to say.
The mole repeated what she said and in no time at all the manager was giving Mrs. Spencer the keys to his brand new car as a present.
“Thank you very much,” said Mrs. Spencer. Then she leaned over and whispered into the moles ear again.
“I am not going to tell him to go jump into a lake, in fact Mrs. Spencer I think you´ve done enough damage for one day, let´s get the groceries, do the right thing and pay for them and go home,” said the mole.
Although it was totally against what she had planned on doing Mrs. Spencer did exactly what the mole asked of her. Then they both got into the manager´s car. The mole looked at her disapprovingly. He opened his mouth to convince Mrs. Spencer to return the car but before he could do so she squashed him down into the bottom of the carpet bag and closed the zip.
“I´ve had enough moral rubbish for one day, now let´s get this baby sucking diesel,” laughed Mrs. Spencer.
She took off in a frightful cloud of dust with the four tyres screeching. She drove straight into an oak tree that wasn´t at all impressed with her driving. She opened the carpet bag and adjusted her bonnet.
“Are you all right mole?” she asked nervously. “I´m flipping marvellous,” answered a very shaken mole. “I´ve had enough of your nonsense, get back into that car and drive home like some one who has been driving for years with a proper driving licence.”
And she did. She was so happy with her new found skill and her newly acquired battered car that she did two somersaults and cooked a massive dinner for the moles and their little friend, the frog.
It was late in the evening when she finally started working on the till. She surprised herself at how good she was at this. She was friendly and she chatted to everyone. People were eventually queuing up to be served by her and not the grumpy others.
She was delighted with herself.
The mole poked his sleepy head out of the carpetbag.
“I think you´ve finally got the hang of things,” he said encouragingly. He watched her do business with a customer. Then he slapped a paw over his eyes.
“I´m not surprised everyone goes to your till Mrs. Spencer, you are giving back too much change.” he whispered to her.
“Oh I know that,” said Mrs. Spencer, “anyone could give back the right change, I just think these products are way overpriced.”
One of the grumpy girls whose weight had cracked the shop-made stool overheard this and ran over to the floor manager. She told him everything she had heard. Then she asked for a raise. The floor manager fired her and with even more smoke signals flying out of his ears he made his way over to Mrs. Spencer.
Mrs. Spencer tried to squash the mole back into the bottom of the carpet bag but this time he was having none of it. The floor manager´s face was beetroot red.
“You have some cheek, I am sending you back to the store room, first dismantle those stupid chairs and then you can clean out the store rooms and another thing – you are not going home tonight or ever until you have worked off your debt.”
Mrs. Spencer was about to say something when the little mole ran up and put a paw over her mouth.
“And what is that? You carry vermin in your bag, could you be any more disgusting and useless,” roared the floor manager.
The mole began to speak.
“Say you are sorry for what you have just said and that Mrs. Spencer needn´t worry about the glass doors as you are going to pay for them yourself and in fact you are going to give Mrs. Spencer a nice sum of money for the inconveniences she had here today. You are also going to buy proper stools for your staff and give each one a raise. Now hop to it and Mrs. Spencer will be off home now, good day to you sir.”
And he did it. The floor manager did exactly what the mole told him to do.
“How did you do that?” asked Mrs. Spencer.
“Well, if you had let me speak earlier you would have realised that I am gifted with being able to control other people´s minds. Why do you think I have lived all this time in your kitchen without even one complaint from yourself.” explained the mole.
“Oh,” said Mrs. Spencer, “we could have a lot of fun with this, let´s stay a little longer in the shop.” said a twinkly – eyed Mrs. Spencer.
The floor manager was furious. Billows of smoke puffed out of his ears. The mole peeped out of the carpet bag again. “Is he sending smoke signals to the Sioux?” he chuckled. Mrs. Spencer rammed him quickly into the bottom of the carpet bag.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” he howled
“Rearrange everything again just the way it was before, thank you very much.”
“You could just fire me,” suggested Mrs. Spencer in a helpful tone of voice. “Are you nuts?”asked the floor manager. “You still can´t pay for the smashed automatic doors. Let´s see, after you have arranged the shelves back as they were you can go work on the tills.”
Mrs. Spencer sighed and trudged back to undo her marvellous work.
When she had finished she dragged her tired self over to the tills. She noticed most of the ladies at the tills were an unhappy looking lot. She smiled at them, introduced herself and went to sit down beside the till. She fell on her bottom. There were no chairs.
“Oh for the love of……” she began, “No wonder you are all miserable. This is only roaring for varicose veins”
She trotted off to the store room and spent the entire day making stools out of fruit boxes, cardboard and hard plastic bits. She made stools for all the grumpy five ladies. They laughed at her when she initially showed them her work. Some one even said, “I am not sitting on that!”
But by evening every one of them was sitting on the shop-made stools.
Her first job as an unpaid shop assistant was to stack the shelves. Stacking shelves seems like a very easy thing to do but there is a bit of psychology involved. More expensive products are often within comfortable reach whereas you often have to hunt for the cheaper articles. This is good business because the longer you spend in a supermarket the more likely you are to buy things you hadn`t previously decided to buy.
Now Mrs. Spencer being Mrs. Spencer didn´t realise this and when she saw the way the shelves were actually arranged she decided to do a great job and arrange them with convenience for the shopper in mind.
In the end she arranged what could only be called a practical mess. She put all the expensive products at the back of the shelves or back in the store room. She arranged products according to breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks or cleaning. Anything she thought was bad for your health she put back into the store room.
For example if you wanted to buy cereal for breakfast you didn´t have to go far for the milk or fruit because there it was beside the cereal, literally among the boxes. Although you would have to act fast if you didn´t want to buy sour milk as it didn´t make sense to Mrs. Spencer to put the cereal in the fridge.
If you wanted to buy bread for lunch you could buy it along with all the millions of possibilities of ingredients for sandwiches. If you wanted to buy rice or pasta you could buy it along with all the millions of ingredients that go well with it and you wouldn´t even have to search the back of the supermarket.
When she finished her fine work she sat down exhausted but pleased. The mole poked his head out of the carpet bag again.
“I don´t think the manager will be very pleased with your work even if you are, here he comes now, why don´t you let me talk to him,” chirruped the mole.
Mrs. Spencer tucked him into the carpet bag to shut him up. She didn´t want to get into any more trouble. The last thing she wanted was unnecessary attention.
As luck would have it she was as right as the rain falling in torrents from the sky. The mole peeped out of the carpet bag. “That would be the climate changing, I suppose.” he chirruped.
“What are you on about?” said Mrs. Spencer, “I was hit by the automatic doors, not climate change.”
All the shoppers who were inside the supermarket ran out and thanked Mrs. Spencer. The electricity had gone out and none of the doors had been working for quite a while. Thanks to Mrs. Spencer there was now a massive hole in the front door where people could get in and out.
But not everyone was happy about this. One of the floor managers flew over, initially to make sure she was alright and make sure she wouldn´t sue the supermarket. When he saw she was fine and dandy he felt free to come out with what he really thought.
“Who is going to pay for the damages here?” he demanded.
“I think that would have to be your boss,” said the mole. Mrs. Spencer tucked him into the carpet bag to shut him up. She didn´t want to get into any more trouble. The last thing she wanted was unnecessary attention.
“Look I can´t afford to pay for this but I can pay you back by working off the price of the damages,” she said humbly.
“Fair enough so.” said the manager.
The last time we caught up with Mrs. Spencer she was in a heap of trouble. Her lawyers were very good so she got away with robbing the piggy bank and blowing up the goat´s garage. Now out of jail she decided to clean up her act and be a law abiding citizen. That said however, she had no plans whatsoever to return the money stolen from the piggy bank. Oh she was a scourge alright.
When she arrived home the first thing she did was put the kettle on and make a nice cup of tea for herself. She scrambled through the cupboards – no tea bags. Actually there wasn´t much of anything.
In the cupboards she found five grains of rice, four grains of sugar, three grains of salt and two moles and a frog. She said hello to the moles and the frog and shut the cupboards. She opened the fridge. In the fridge there were five rotten eggs, four slices of what looked like blue cheese but had been cheddar at one time. Three drops of milk, two leaves of spinach and one ice cube.
“I wonder what I´d get if I put all these ingredients together,” she said aloud.
“A right mess and a pain in your belly,” said one of the moles who was peeping out of a cupboard.
“Your right, well there´s only one thing for it, I´ll just have to go to the supermarket,” said Mrs. Spencer.
“Can I go too?” asked the mole. “Alright, you can,” said Mrs. Spencer, “but won´t your brother miss you?”
“He´ll be o.k. he´s got the frog,” said the excited mole as he hopped into Mrs. Spencer´s carpet bag.
A terrible storm blew up when they arrived at the supermarket. Mrs. Spencer ran through the automatic doors. Unfortunately that is exactly what she did. Due to the storm the automatic doors failed to open and she ran bonnet first through the glass. Some people ran over to see if she was alright. Luckily she was built like a tank and she had the strength of one so she was fine. The little mole was alright too as he was well tucked away in the carpet bag.
“Where are you going,” yelled Lily, “get back here at once.”
Henrietta crawled back. Lily tapped on the glass front of Billy´s family´s cage.
“Hello there, it´s only us,” shouted Lily, “I´ve come to say thanks for helping me win the race and Henrietta is here too, she´s been worried sick about you, why didn´t you tell her where you were going?”
“Hey, but she told me to return here,,” yelled Billy back. Then he saw Henrietta.
“Thank you Henrietta, I really fit in here, I´m afraid I can´t come and visit you but you can always visit me here.”
“That´s true,” said Henrietta. “I´m just happy that you´re happy.” She wiped away a little hedgehog tear.
Then Billy´s enormous parents slid over. “Thank you Henrietta, for all you´ve done for our Billy,” they said.
Henrietta was a little sad leaving the zoo that day but as time went on she got used to the arrangement and she finally had to admit it was the best for all concerned. Sometimes Billy and herself even did some training together, at either side of the cage. In fact the latest I´ve heard is that Henrietta is in tip top form and is entering the next special olympics and thanks to Billy she is a stronger swimmer than ever. I wonder are Ozzy Otter and Berty Badger going to compete. Something tells me that if they do they will be slow to cheat again.
The End
“THIRD PRIZE GOES TO THE WONDERFUL JIMMY JACKDAW.
WELL DONE JIMMY.”
Jimmy stepped up on the platform to receive his prize and shake the hand of the mayor. There were loud cheers from the crowd.
“SECOND PRIZE GOES TO HENRIETTA HEDGEHOG”
Henrietta fell against a nearby tree, “second, second?” she gasped, “How is that possible?” Now it was she that was sulking.
“AND FIRST PRIZE GOES TO THE WONDERFUL LILY LIZARD.”
They took their positions on the platform and accepted their prizes. The jackdaw anthem was played first, then the hedgehog anthem and finally the lizard anthem.
After the festivities, Henrietta went home. All previous thoughts about the race had left her mind. Her main worry was Billy. He wasn´t at home either. She rang Lily Lizard and Jimmy Jackdaw. She told them what had happened and they organised a search for him.
Two days went by and Henrietta was frantic with worry. Lily and Jimmy stayed over to comfort her. “He´s a big boy now, he´s well able to look after himself, anyway it´s not healthy for a snake to live with a hedgehog,” said Jimmy in an effort to calm her down.
“He´s not a snake he´s a boa constrictor,” sobbed Henrietta.
“All the more reason to let him leave the nest if you ask me,” replied Jimmy.
“You´re not helping the situation,” injected Lily abruptly. “Let´s search all the places we didn´t check yesterday.” she added.
“Good idea,” sniffled Henrietta.
So off they trudged, heavy hearted. They looked in all the village museums, shops, parks, forests, garages, factories, the baker´s, the chemist´s and finally they took a break
“Maybe he has run away with the circus,”said Lily suddenly. “ Never mind that, maybe he is in another place suitable for animals like him, a kind of fancy hotel,”
“But we checked all the hotels,” wailed Henrietta.
“No, maybe he is in the zoo Henrietta,” said Lily.
“Of course, that is exactly where I told him to go,” said Henrietta with a great sigh of relief.
So off they ran towards the zoo. Henrietta and Lily got up on Jimmy´s back so they could fly straight in and avoid the staring groups of children. The zoo was an impressive place. It was full of exotic and dangerous animals that would be totally out of place in the local forest. I suppose it was a good thing that the animals couldn´t escape. If they did the woodland creatures would end up as refugees or light snacks.
Sure enough as they approached the reptile house Henrietta could hear Billy singing and messing. When they got to where he was caged she got a little surprise. There he was with his real parents, telling them happily about his adventures with Henrietta and the others. He looked so happy with them Henrietta thought it best to leave.